I take my job as a criminal defense lawyer very seriously but sometimes it’s fun to “poke” at your own profession a little bit. It’s well-known that a good laugh is good for one’s health and having a sense of humor about things can make life a little easier.
So here are some fun, clean lawyer jokes to help lighten your day.
If a lawyer is talking in the forest, and no one is around to hear him, can he still bill for it?
What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? – Lipstick.
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, “I saw the whole thing. I’ll take either side.”
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? – A Senator.
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? – A lawyer can earn frequent flyer miles.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? – Three. One to climb the ladder, one lawyer to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? – Ask them to say “Fees!”
How does a lawyer sleep? – First she lies on one side and then she lies on the other.
“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?”
“Well, your Honor,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”